Thursday, December 11, 2008

Congressional Motors Introduces 2012 Top of the Line

The New Detroit - An aerial view of the Capitol Building in Washington, where the Democrat Party-controlled House of Representatives conduct the public’s business. If the actions of Congress pass the proposed $14 billion bailout package for GM, Chrysler, and Ford, this is where the American automobile industry decisions will be made. Image Credit: U.S. Department of the Interior

Congressional Motors Introduces 2012 Top of the Line

This was found in my email inbox written by an unknown author about the kind of car Congress would make … and better, how they might sell it (assuming they could actually make something … anything).

The note describes a commercial the Federal Government would make in order to inform the citizenry of the kind of car they will be allowed to purchase (if they had any money) if they would like a car over the Federal Government preferred option for transportation – Public Transportation – Subway, Bus, or using sidewalks provided for your convenience.

This excerpted and edited from my email inbox -

Congressional Motors Announces The First Car for 2012, The Pelosi


It's in the way you dress … The way you boogie down … The way you sign your unemployment check!

You're a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special odd-numbered Saturdays when driving is permitted, you want it in your car - It's in that special feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back and a road ahead meandering with possibilities.

The kind of feeling you get behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.

All new for 2012, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the mandatory American car so advanced it took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it.

We started with same reliable 7-way hybrid ethanol-biodiesel-electric-clean coal-wind-solar-pedal power plant behind the base model Pelosi, but packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizzazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again -- with a vengeance.

We've subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest.

Powered with its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood pumping out 22.5 thumping, carbon-neutral ponies of Detroit muscle, you'll never be late for the Disco or the Day Labor Shelter.

Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition easily exceeds 2016 CAFE mileage standards. At an estimated 268 MPG, that's a savings of nearly $1800 per week in fuel cost over the 2011 Pelosi.

Even with increased performance we didn't skimp on safety. Eleven-point passenger racing harnesses, fifteen-way airbags, and mandatory hockey helmet -- you'll have the security knowing that you could survive a 45 MPH collision even if the GTxi SS/Rt were capable of that kind of mind numbing, illegal speed.

But the changes don't stop there.

Sporty mag-style hubcaps and an all-new aggressive wedge shape designed by CM's Chief Stylist Ted Kennedy slices through the wind like an omnibus spending bill. It even features an airtight undercarriage to keep you and a passenger afloat up to 15 minutes -- even in the choppy waters of a Cape Cod inlet.

Available a rainbow of color choices to match any wardrobe, from Harvest Avocado to French Mustard.

Inside, a luxurious all-velour interior designed by Barney Frank (AKA: "Lollipop") features thoughtful appointments like an in-dash condom dispenser -- perfect for any social engagement or school training exercise.

A special high capacity hatchback holds up to 300 aluminum cans, meaning fewer trips to the redemption center, and the standard 3 speaker Fairness ActoPhonic FM low-band sound system means you'll never miss a segment of NPR again (assuming they will still have staff even with Government subsidies).

Best of all, the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt is made right here in the U.S.A. by fully card-checked unionized workers and Detroit 's famous visionary jet-set managers.

Even if you don't own one, you can enjoy the patriotic satisfaction that you're supporting the high wages, good benefits, and generous political donations that are once again making the American car industry the envy of the world.

But why not buy one anyway? With an MSRP starting at only $629,999.99, it's affordable too. Don't forget to ask about dealer incentives, rebates, tax credits, and wealth redistribution plans for customers from dozens of qualifying special interest groups. Plus easy-pay financing programs from Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac.

So take the Metro rail, bus, or walk to your local CM dealer today and find out why the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the only car endorsed by President Barack Obama.

One test drive will convince you that you'd choose it over the import brands, even if they were still legal.


1 comment:

LSupreemo said...

Please credit Iowahawk [David Burge].

Googling the first two lines would have told you this.